Shock me, make me feel better: sugar in my veins and the plague of mortality

Aw, things ain’t bleak at all.  My long-dead and mouldering libido returns!  But I don’t recognize the cut of its jib and I am suspicious of it.  I shan’t welcome that thing with open arms just yet.

As many of you know from my recent blogs, life has been a hellacious emotional roller-coaster since my Type 2 diabetes diagnosis.  Focusing on my health, mind, and soul has kept me from documenting all things Southern – though, I suppose, as a Southern woman, telling you about my relationship with the universe IS indeed documenting Southerness.

About two weeks ago, one of my docs said cut all that bad-for-you shit out and guess what?  I actually listened to him.  Because I was too scared by how bad I felt not to.  The resulting healthy changes in diet (not really exercise yet), in addition to losing 10 pounds, well, let’s just say that my eye doc told me my eye sight has, in fact, gotten better since he saw me a month ago.    Evidently, my blood sugar was so high then that it was affecting my vision.   Now that I have gotten my sugar levels below 180, my eyesight has improved.  My glasses are too strong!  Sweet.  Very sweet.

Between the weight loss and improved vision, that anxiety building to a fever pitch has been quelled somewhat.  I figure that I will probably NOT die in my sleep and go blind by the weekend.   Knock on wood.

My message to you is this – if you are overweight and haven’t had your blood sugar levels checked, you should.  If you’ve ever heard the words “pre-diabetic” or even been told by your doc that your blood sugar looks high but you just attribute it to that Bojangles chicken biscuit you ate on the way there, don’t take a chance.  I am catching my diabetes early and, at the moment, it looks like I can turn things around dramatically.   And if you are perennially thick around the middle, ask your folks and grandparents if they have diabetes.  You will be shocked to find out how many people around you have it.  And that proclivity, combined with your penchant for all that glorious fatness can easily (though not always) equal to diabetes.

I still don’t love the healthy food MORE than the croissants, biscuits, pizza, and sausage gravy – but I love how I FEEL these days much more than those things.

In the words (well not exactly but similar) of Dostoevsky, it seems, in fact, as though the second half of a my life will be made up of living out the ramifications – good and bad  – of the habits I accumulated during the first half.  

Only that youthful sense of immortality makes you want to burn the candles at both ends in your 20s and 30s.   In the second half, that inevitable plague of knowing you are indeed mortal, well, once cursed with it, living badly is just plain fucking foolish unless you are okay with speeding up your dance with death and suffering.  But hey, death and suffering come to us all, so, forget what I said.  Do what you like.    

Even this woman won't live forever. And one day that ass will droop low. Despite the inevitability of old age, death, suffering, wrinkles, and droop, we can still make the journey less painful but indulging in a modicum of healthy behavior.

Even this woman won’t live forever. And one day that ass will droop low. Despite the inevitability of old age, death, suffering, wrinkles, and droop, we can still make the journey less painful by indulging in a modicum of healthy behavior.


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