Just let well enough alone: a one-minute tale of weight loss and gain and loss
by Angela Perez
Sometimes, you just need to take a compliment with a simple “Thank you” and let well enough alone. Especially when you’re weight has gone up and down and all over in the last year and a half. This happened last night:
Friend (who hasn’t seen me in 5 months): Whoo, girl, you look good! You look skinny!
Angela: As compared to what?
Friend: Uh…as compared to last time I saw you.
Friend: Well, I mean…skinnier.
Angela: But use of that word implies a degree of svelteness.
Friend. Okay, why don’t you just shut the fuck up? How ’bout this – you ain’t as big as you were. You look so good so please shut the fuck up.
Angela: Let’s start over.
Note: This is still way better than how some of my Southern friends and family back home greet you when you visit for the holidays:
My 300-hundred pound diabetic cousin donning a muumuu: “Whoo, Lord, you have really packed on the pounds since I saw you. Lookin’ just like your big Aunt So-and-So.”
Angela: You haven’t seen me in a quarter of a century. Since I was in high school and weighed 100 pounds.
Cousin: I know. Girl, ain’t no slim folks in your family. Wasn’t never meant to last no ways. Seen this comin’. Weight Watchers, girl. Weight Watchers. We got to stay on it in this family. (She says she eats the top off of a red velvet cake.)
Angela: Hand me that whole tomato.
Cousin: Girl, is that all you’re eating?
Angela: No, I am about to shove it in your mouth so you’ll shut the fuck up. Pass me the mac and cheese.